I felt your tiny little feet dance around in my belly. I would have daily conversations with you, and I could feel my heart beat a little harder when you would move to the sound of my voice. I was scared and not ready, but I didn’t have a choice because you were coming! 3 am contractions started and I knew that this is it. At 12:57 am on February 24, 2016, after 24 hours of labor and two and a half hours of pushing….you were here. Ten little fingers and ten little toes. 8 pounds 14 ounces 21 1/2 inches long. Mine. I remember the feeling when they first placed you in my arms. In that moment I knew that I would spend the rest of my life doing things that will make you happy. I was amazed at how literally perfect you were. I held you and I nursed you and even though those days went by so fast, they will always be some of my favorite.
They always tell you not to blink, because if you do you will miss so much. I blinked. I have no idea how you went from a squishy little baby to my always moving, independent, mind and personality of his own little person. There are days where I have questioned my sanity. There are times where I want to give up. It is hard. Parenting is really really hard. But then you smile; God how I love that smile. You say my name and you look at me with those blue eyes. You grab my hand with those tiny little fingers that I am wrapped around, and I realize that even with those hard times, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. You are teaching things every day. One of the many upsides to being a young mommy is that we are learning and growing together. I see things through your eyes and through the eyes of a mommy.
In the past year, I have cried and laughed more than I ever thought possible. We have spent hours and hours and hours nursing, and even though some of those hours were spent while everyone else was asleep, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. We have both had bumps and bruises, but we are stronger for it. The house is messier, but it is now fuller. I have little to no extra hours in the day, but the bond we share is worth it.
Watching you grow into your own person every day has been one of the most amazing experiences. You are incredibly smart, crazy strong willed, stubborn, funny and I am so blessed that God chose me to be your mommy. My love for you is constant, eternal and it has been there since a tiny little stick told me you were in my belly. Life has not nor will it ever be the same and I wouldn’t ever want to change it. You have your daddy’s good looks and your mommy’s heart of fire and I am so excited to see where life takes you. I made you, but you made me a mom…and I thank God every day that I was chosen to be yours and that you were chosen to be mine. Happy birthday little bear…..I love you to the moon and back.