I made you, but you made me a mother

I felt your tiny little feet dance around in my belly. I would have daily conversations with you, and I could feel my heart beat a little harder when you would move to the sound of my voice. I was scared and not ready, but I didn’t have a choice because you were coming! 3 am contractions started and I knew that this is it. At 12:57 am on February 24, 2016, after 24 hours of labor and two and a half hours of pushing….you were here. Ten little fingers and ten little toes. 8 pounds 14 ounces 21 1/2 inches long. Mine. I remember the feeling when they first placed you in my arms. In that moment I knew that I would spend the rest of my life doing things that will make you happy. I was amazed at how literally perfect you were. I held you and I nursed you and even though those days went by so fast, they will always be some of my favorite.

Image may contain: 1 person, sleeping, baby and eyeglasses Image may contain: one or more people and people sleeping Image may contain: one or more people, people sleeping and indoor

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They always tell you not to blink, because if you do you will miss so much. I blinked. I have no idea how you went from a squishy little baby to my always moving, independent, mind and personality of his own little person. There are days where I have questioned my sanity. There are times where I want to give up. It is hard. Parenting is really really hard. But then you smile; God how I love that smile. You say my name and you look at me with those blue eyes. You grab my hand with those tiny little fingers that I am wrapped around, and I realize that even with those hard times, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. You are teaching things every day. One of the many upsides to being a young mommy is that we are learning and growing together. I see things through your eyes and through the eyes of a mommy.

In the past year, I have cried and laughed more than I ever thought possible. We have spent hours and hours and hours nursing, and even though some of those hours were spent while everyone else was asleep, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. We have both had bumps and bruises, but we are stronger for it. The house is messier, but it is now fuller. I have little to no extra hours in the day, but the bond we share is worth it.

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Watching you grow into your own person every day has been one of the most amazing experiences. You are incredibly smart, crazy strong willed, stubborn, funny and I am so blessed that God chose me to be your mommy. My love for you is constant, eternal and it has been there since a tiny little stick told me you were in my belly. Life has not nor will it ever be the same and I wouldn’t ever want to change it. You have your daddy’s good looks and your mommy’s heart of fire and I am so excited to see where life takes you. I made you, but you made me a mom…and I thank God every day that I was chosen to be yours and that you were chosen to be mine. Happy birthday little bear…..I love you to the moon and back.

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